I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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