What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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