last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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