Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
FUCK WHALES
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
