Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
