i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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