I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
