By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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