glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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