Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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