You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
