let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
