I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
