after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
