Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
