Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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