the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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