We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize