I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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