Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
