NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
