Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize