mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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