He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
