Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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