I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
