Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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