it was like eating out sand paper
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
