I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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