Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was like eating out sand paper
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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