So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
