You can't special order awesome
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
