Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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