I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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