If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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