I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
