it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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