I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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