last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
