Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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