I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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