i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
