Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize