Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
