Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
