its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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