the day after is always just damage control
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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