Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
