best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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