in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
