Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
