I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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