Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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