Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize