i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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