Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
