You don't have asthma, your pregnant
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
