saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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