i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
