you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
