Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
