She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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