I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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