nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
