Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
