Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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