Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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