I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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