i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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