I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
