singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
