Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
