hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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