my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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