I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize