im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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