Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
