When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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