What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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