The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
