she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
did you just send me my own nude
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
