I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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