worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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