Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
