i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
