Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
