that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
