i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
