HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
