Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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